Have you ever had a feeling of déjà vu? What about that strange feeling of falling into emptiness that shocks you out of your dream?
Neither of those have anything to do with this post besides serving as a vague comparison to what I’m about to share with you.
The altered states of my mind are so interwoven, I sometimes can’t tell the difference between them. They consist of other, less known symptoms of my condition and their affects on me make movies such as Paranormal Activity seem like a lame kiddie ride at the state fair.
The First Two Alterations
The hallucinations, both hypnagogic (from wakefulness to a sleep state) and hypnopompic (from a sleep state to wakefulness), are some of the scariest things I’ve experienced. Trust me, I’ve experienced a lot!
“When I’m awake, I’m dreaming. When I’m asleep, I’m living”
That’s the best way I can describe my feeling from these occurrences. I’m also living when I’m awake by the way. I hope that’s obvious, I don’t want anyone to think I have no joy in life. I just can’t tell the difference between being awake or asleep.
What I perceive as a daily accomplishments, never happened.
I can recall events, conversations and activities when my wife says I was asleep and unresponsive.
I do normal things in my dreams, like taking out trash or cleaning the car. They feel so real that I’m shocked to find that it’s not.
Sleep Paralysis: The Next Alteration
Wondering what this feels like? Just watch the movie Awake and you’ll get an idea. The only difference; it happens to me on a more frequent basis.
Imagine yourself driving down the highway at night, your eyes open and mind aware.
Then, you feel your car drifting towards the guard rail. You see it coming, your heart starts racing, and fear slowly grips you. You’re telling your body to move but it ignores the command, it’s gone rogue and says “no, f*** you”! At the last second, it complies and you quickly jerk the wheel preventing a horrible accident. This actually happened to me.
Sleep paralysis is comparable to a sick joke and your body likes to play it on you at the most inopportune moments.
The First Three Create The Fourth Alteration: Lucid Dreams and Out of Body Experiences
Cool, fun, strange and scary as hell all at the same time. I’ve watched myself sleep before, more than once actually. Lucid dreaming only became popular after Inception was produced but it’s nothing like that for me.
Although, I do have dreams within dreams, I can fly like superman, and I can breathe underwater. I cannot influence the dreams of others or their lives. Waking up from a dream into another causes paranoia, it’s another reason I can’t ever tell if I’m awake.
How can I ever know if I’m awake if I wake up into a dream only to wake up in another? This iteration makes me question every moment in my my life as they happen.
Awake: The Final Alteration
Wakefulness is last in my mind because it’s the hardest to recognize. This state is always influenced by the others, making it impossible to know the difference.
But it is an altered state of mind that I experience, sometimes.
The movie Altered States has no influence on this post. But I do recommend watching it if you enjoy the trippy, mind trip movies. Plus, William Hurt is an amazing actor, one of my favorites actually. the movie and the actor are highly underrated in my mind.
I’m a movie nerd though, so I enjoy the “thought provoking” and the “way out there” type.
Want another one? Try Jacob’s Ladder. Most people I talk to have never seen it. So if you have, awesome! If not, I recommend it. Especially if you’re a fan of the Silent Hill series.
Tim Robbins is another amazing actor and he shines in this mind trip. In my mind anyway.